Your newfound pondering skills has lead you to understand that languages are not a disease, they only make you socially awkward, like speaking Spanish in a French class. And currently there is no one to converse your existential problems of the comprehension of Humanspeak, so all is well.
"A wizard taught you it" - Loather of Irk
Wizard?...Wait a second.
You do remember seeing another kobold who was holding a staff. After dining on some freshly slayed rabbit you went back to your den with the other hatchlings. When all of a sudden you turned the corner and bumped into the wizard. There was a flash of a pale blue light, your vision started to get fuzzy and you blacked out. But why did he or she spray you in the face with magic?...
Well, let's look on the bright side, your still alive. Most hatchlings get fried to a crisp when the mages use them for target practice, or even be resurrected as zombies to be an undead servant when no ones looking.
Maybe you were the victim of a botched magic spell, and this is where the wizard put you for a speedy recovery. Maybe all these items are get well soon gifts!
...Oh right, you just flame broiled your gifts. Geez talk about being grateful.
Feeling bad you pick up the soggy parchment and read it.
If you are reading this then there is great promise for you. As per rite, I am not allowed to assist you in person, so I will give you my words instead. In this chest are two books, The Elders Pantheon and a Tome of Wild Alliance Adventurers.
~I want you to read over the Adventurer's Tome and tear out a hero, weapon, and piece of armor of your liking.
~I then want you to read over the Elder's Pantheon and choose an Elder God that pleases you and tear a page out from their teachings.
~The potion on the table is a Vorpal Polymorphing elixir. Pure vorpal is hard to turn into a physical material and liquify so please be careful with this next step. Place all the torn pieces of paper you have chosen into the potion, shake vigorously and then throw the flask against the wall to break it.
~Collect the results and the pouch and when you are ready leave the cave.
I will be waiting for you outside
-"Freeze" Ani the White"
"Worry about that later. First, identify contents of pouch." - Antiscient
What is in the pouch anyway?
You reach your hand in...
Ah, there it is. Its a small wallet of skulls, atleast thirty of them. But it seems your pouch has a small enhancement that makes it deeper then it really is.
A bag of money!? Hot dog! Even for a Kobold, you're moving on up in the world champ! You decide to wear the pouch, wow it feels pretty light all things considered. Oh look at that....
Your inventory capacity has increased, and you look rather snazzy with the pouch on, if you do say so yourself.