Saturday, March 10, 2012

>Comprehend Language

"Maybe Common is so common cause it's contagious." - 98714123340

>Roll Intelligence

Your newfound pondering skills has lead you to understand that languages are not a disease, they only make you socially awkward, like speaking Spanish in a French class. And currently there is no one to converse your existential problems of the comprehension of Humanspeak, so all is well.

"A wizard taught you it" - Loather of Irk

Wizard?...Wait a second.

>Roll Intelligence

You do remember seeing another kobold who was holding a staff. After dining on some freshly slayed rabbit you went back to your den with the other hatchlings. When all of a sudden you turned the corner and bumped into the wizard. There was a flash of a pale blue light, your vision started to get fuzzy and you blacked out. But why did he or she spray you in the face with magic?...

>Roll Wisdom

Well, let's look on the bright side, your still alive. Most hatchlings get fried to a crisp when the mages use them for target practice, or even be resurrected as zombies to be an undead servant when no ones looking.

Maybe you were the victim of a botched magic spell, and this is where the wizard put you for a speedy recovery. Maybe all these items are get well soon gifts!

...Oh right, you just flame broiled your gifts. Geez talk about being grateful.

Feeling bad you pick up the soggy parchment and read it.

Soggy Parchment


If you are reading this then there is great promise for you. As per rite, I am not allowed to assist you in person, so I will give you my words instead. In this chest are two books, The Elders Pantheon and a Tome of Wild Alliance Adventurers.

~I want you to read over the Adventurer's Tome and tear out a hero, weapon, and piece of armor of your liking.

~I then want you to read over the Elder's Pantheon and choose an Elder God that pleases you and tear a page out from their teachings.

~The potion on the table is a Vorpal Polymorphing elixir. Pure vorpal is hard to turn into a physical material and liquify so please be careful with this next step. Place all the torn pieces of paper you have chosen into the potion, shake vigorously and then throw the flask against the wall to break it.

~Collect the results and the pouch and when you are ready leave the cave.

I will be waiting for you outside

-"Freeze" Ani the White"

"Worry about that later. First, identify contents of pouch." - Antiscient

What is in the pouch anyway?

You reach your hand in...


Really deep....

Ah, there it is. Its a small wallet of skulls, atleast thirty of them. But it seems your pouch has a small enhancement that makes it deeper then it really is.

A bag of money!? Hot dog! Even for a Kobold, you're moving on up in the world champ! You decide to wear the pouch, wow it feels pretty light all things considered. Oh look at that....

Your inventory capacity has increased, and you look rather snazzy with the pouch on, if you do say so yourself.

Friday, March 9, 2012

>Take Torch

"Take one of those torches in the wall. That'd be badass." - ViniVidiVici

That chest thinks it's got you beat.

Time to do some real damage, you gently place the end of the torch on the chest and-


In desperation you fling the chest into the small puddle of water. Luckily it's just enough to extinguish the flames. Lets see what the contents of the chest were and if they are salvageable.

Inside the chest there is two slightly charred books. The blue book with metal is called "Elder's Pantheon" and the brown book is called "The Wild Alliance's AGT". Alongside the books are a soggy piece of parchment, and a leather band with a pouch. When you took the pouch out of the chest, it felt like something was inside. The fact that the items are alittle bruised isn't what is bothering you, its the fact that somehow you're able to understand Common....Last time you checked that's never happened before, matter of fact how the shit did you know what Common even was!?

>Break Open Chest

"Fuck that Chest's shit up." - Zakanakai

Hinzelmen: "You will not deny me loot this day wooden box!"

> Roll Str Check

...Well the good news is you made a dent in the chest.

The bad news is you had just found out that Kobolds have a -4 to their strength stats and that you have a HP bar due to the fact the second you smacked the chest with your table leg, it bounced right back bludgeoning your long snout for 2 points of damage.

Your just gonna go ahead and hug onto your pot for awhile okay?

>Get Gold

"take the coins first, they are the shiniest thing in the room. after that take the potion, then clay pot, then dead rat.

is the chest unlocked?" - siguard

"money gold money gold money gold money gold money gold money gold" -Solaris

Holy shit are those actual Outlins!?

Holy fuck they are!

You we're just kidding yourself thinking that these coins would actually be Outhlins, but the real deal is now in your pointy little fingers. Outhlins are what the four ruling alliances outside of your homebase use for currency. At home you just used the skulls of rats you ate. Well lookit you Daddy Warbucks, you got yourself atleast eight of these badboys. You better keep these hidden you could use em for leverage with other Kobolds, if you find any.

You then grab the potion, you take a whiff of the top of the flask with your tongue, but are unable to determine what liquid this flask holds. You decide to just hold onto it for now.

Don't stop now keep going!

Hey look a dead rat. The Kobold's go-to snack for all your hunger needs.

Oh wait so much for breakfast, someone beat you to the punch and took out all the organs already. All thats left if some leftover blood and disappointment as your stomach rumbles. Well you may as well take it anyway, you could use the skull for currency.

Hey check out that pot...Wow that is one crappy looking clay pot...

And it's your crappy clay pot, because this is the first thing you ever stole! A huge milestone in the life of a Kobold. You remember the shrill cries of that Drakekin boy as you ripped the pot right out of his hands and ran out the window of that school. That boy's father was mighty pissed off especially when he started breathing fire out of his mouth. But you felt like such a badass that day, you showed it off to all the hatchlings and they though you we're the greatest thing since clean water. Whenever you feel like your entering a dark place in your life, there no grander feeling of comfort and joy then caressing your good luck pot. Something tell you your going to need all the good luck you can get so you decide to take it with you.

You walk back to the table and notice the chest as it tantalizes you with the lure of goodies and trinkets unknown. You try to open the lid but the chest is locked. Well thats just plain disheartening.

"Take the table leg. Be the swordsman." -Sparkly Young Upstart

You're so ready to fuck shit up now.

>Go back to sleep

"Go Back to Sleep" -98714123340

Okay so you know your a Kobold, but you seem to have forgotten that your basically a tiny little reptile, fire is like coffee for you little scamps. What with your cold blood and all. With those torches ablaze, by now its almost impossible to even try to go back to sleep, even if you wanna be a lazy turd.

"Hinzelmen" -AskaRay

However at the expense of not being able to slack off, you manage to be productive and muster your name.

Thats right! Hinzelmen was your name. Well now that, that problem is solved, just where the wild world of sports are you?

This cave doesn't seem familiar to you. Though it looks like someone was kind enough to leave you afew items strewn about a wooden table with a broken leg in the far left corner of the room. A chest, afew stray Outhlin coins, and a bubbling blue liquid in a glass flask present themselves to you.

Glancing at where you once slept, you notice a gutted rat, wasn't that sweet? Whoever brought you in this room also wanted to give you breakfast in bed. Just behind the grass bed is what appears to be a small clay object.

Your Kobold instincts kick in, the desire to filch, nick, pocket, wisk, steal anything you deem interesting starts to arise in you like a bad itch on the inner thigh of a orcish prostitute. But where to start first?

>It Begins

You awaken from your slumber rising from a pile of dead grass and hay in an unfamiliar cavern, the warmth from the torches upon the wall was what beckoned you from sleeping in all day. You get this nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you need to prepare. But for what and why, is still a mystery, and thinking about it fills you with anticipation and yet a small headache.

Well lets take some baby steps here. You look yourself over, and realize your a Kobold. Nothing out of the ordinary in that department, so thats good. But your still alittle fuzzy on remembering your name.

What in the gods name was it again? You can't remember it with all this morning grump your sporting.